My Ironic Fear

my ironic fear by meagan moon . moon & rock blog

 

If we aren’t creating and connecting, then what are we doing? My love gave me this powerful reminder today, after a few weeks of me feeling completely paralyzed and wholly unable to make a decision or move forward with any of my dreams, out of the ironic fear that doing too much will make me depressed. After a past of burning myself out on working and partying way too hard — just pushing through when I know I need rest — I’ve got some kind of ptsd that today, chokes my creativity and ability to show up for life when I truly feel called. I once created and manifested so much that was so out of alignment with my intuitive needs, that today, I can be overly cautious in taking time to be sure that what is I’m creating is of value and authentic to who I Am. Just being honest in telling you that for me, it’s a big balance. Putting myself out here to create and connect is not a light matter in my life. I do it because there is so much within me that desperately wants to be shared — it all feels like another entity that just wants to come through me (metaphorically, and literally). And I do it because there are so many, too many to name, beautiful humans out there who have done the same and completely altered my reality, for the better. I wouldn’t be where I am today without them. Social media is epic in that way.

It reminds us that we are so not alone.

There is so much self-motivating talk out there about hustling and working hard and whatever. But I fucking hate the word hustle, because I feel that it can condone irrational, imbalanced work ethic at the expense of our health and intuitive wellbeing. Yes, there is so much that I want to create and so much that wants to come through me at this time. But I’m reminded that it all requires just ONE STEP AT A TIME. No need to get overwhelmed. And my first step: to birth this beautiful new being that’s been growing inside of me for the past 8 months, safely and sacredly. The rest will surely follow. And in the meantime, I’m reminded that just because one big thing is happening, doesn’t mean that the rest aren’t either. There are gorgeous forces behind the scenes at all times, co-creating and manifesting with us what it is that needs to come through. Today, I remember how to trust this. And my intention in sharing all this is that you will again trust this, too. You do not have to put your life on hold out of fear of the mystery of how it’ll all unfold. The lack of unfoldment is bound to be worse than the unfoldment itself, because that is stagnancy and stagnancy creates dis-ease. Stagnancy causes depression, not creation. I talk about this so much in my book Intuitive Alchemy, and it seems that the work of that book is forcing me to embody it again and again. As I write many times in the book, this is a life-long journey. So if you are feeling paralyzed by possibility today, please remember that you are so not alone. Creation and connection are always better alternatives to paralyzing out of fear. Do something today, anything, to work on manifesting the visions that you see. You don’t have to hustle — just listen and respond in the gentle time that you need to.

All that matters is just that you respond. I love you. 

4 comments

Megan, your writing reminds me of a quote from Francis of Assisi- “Start by doing what is necessary; then do what’s possible; and suddenly you are doing the impossible.” This quote has been roaming around in my head for weeks now. As fall turns to winter here in North Carolina, I feel fear and anxiety growing in my core and every attempt to quiet it leads me to feel more paralyzed, more powerless. The thing is; I know that putting words to feelings can steal back the power that negativity drains. I am grateful that you are able to articulate your own experiences so that others, like myself, no longer feel alone in our struggles. I feel supported by your honesty, vulnerability, and surrender. Abundant gratitude. We are all one, may grace and love surround you always.

Tara November 14, 2018

thank you, meagan. I’m passing through hard days of paralyzation here. I was needing to read this. thank you.

Bruna November 05, 2018

I needed this today, I’m almost 8 months pregnant with my second child and have put so much pressure on myself to hustle until this baby is born…..To make money while I can, make up a new house, make sure my daughter is happy and learning what she needs in homeschool. Your words are a gentle reminder to really calm my anxiety and try to both enjoy and continue to create these last two months, without the hustle but still allowing things to unfurl through me.

C. Hafen October 13, 2018

Megan, I so enjoy your writing and creative insights! and I relate to fears of doing too much based on previous years of over pushing my body (family pattern), working my feminine body with no rest or connection to my hormonal cycle, past the point of health. I felt really nourished when I connected to the “The Artists Way” process/audiobook, doing the tasks, morning pages, and walks, as the author is a longtime mentor for nurturing ourselves through creative fears and understanding how we have been harmed in the past artistically. If you pushed yourself too far, it is a learned behavior, and that perhaps as child, young girl on the verge of becoming a woman you yourself were pushed too far by someone else. Woman are often harmed in their connection to their bodies at a young age. It is the accepted aggressive way. What I learned growing up about my body from my father was that to be a woman, was to be just like a man, with no understanding of the differences. And my mother was out of touch with her body to teach me anything wise. It took me years of being alone with myself to decompress my dad’s pressure, pressure to be like him, to drive myself, to compete, to conduct my life aggressively like a man. Now I am much in tune with my body and far happier for it. Finally I came to the conclusion that I am a woman, not a man. I understand what that means. Regardless if my dad does not understands what it means to be a woman, to live in a body that is ready to initiate pregnancy every four weeks, and how that body priority slows the pace of birthing activity in the world. It meant a lot to me to finally honor my body and to give up the faster male rhythm of outer success. Truthfully I see a lot of unbalanced young men who do not take care of their body, incorrect rhythms of eating or sleeping, and who have lost the connection to play and wind down time. It is quite the journey of learning how to move in harmony with our bodies, our creativity, our loves and our day to day path. Namaste

marie September 12, 2018

Leave a comment